Move « The Sanatorium

19Jul/105

Five Minutes of Hate: Playstation Move

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Just like in George Orwell's 1984, I would like to take a few minutes and just hate something that pisses me off. While I scream and swear at the object of my hate, I will try to argument my hatred though, but I can't promise it will make any sense. Hate usually doesn't. Here we go now:

Playstation Move

I always thought of PS3 and Xbox 360 as hardcore gaming platforms, with most of their games made for people who enjoy playing real games. My fondness of PS3 was due to the PS2 memories, so I always believed more in Sony than Microsoft. But here comes E3 2010 and here goes my admiration. Sony unveils Playstation Move, which is basically a Wiimote with a lightbulb on top, presumably to make it look even more silly and fabulous.

Enough colors to make every gay person happy

Could you explain to me how is it possible to announce Killzone 3, an M rated FPS, and the fact that you're into kiddie stuff at the same event? Check your fucking priorities Sony, you're like a fat person facing a cake and a burger and doesn't know what to do, so he makes a sandwich with them. Also, this is probably the ugliest device in the history of video gaming. Seriously Sony, a fucking light bulb? How did this abomination get pass the inspection crew? Do you even have an inspection crew?

What do you plan on doing with this thing anyway? Do you actually expect us to use that filthy black cock to play serious video games? Do you see us shooting aliens in Crysis with that? How could someone take me seriously when I sit in the front of my TV with a magic shiny wand waving as if I'm fighting Zeus in God of War? What the fuck?

I get Nintendo and their Wii. It's what they always did, nothing can surprise me when their logo appears on something, even if it's Mario made to look like a dildo. I also get the Wii as a casual console for casual gamers and grannies. It fits, it doesn't bother me. But why the fuck would Sony try to mimic them? Did you learn nothing from EA? The casual current is not to be approached if you care about your image.

So fuck you Sony. By the way, I think your bear-shaped cookies are burning, go check it out. Also, take this tampon to put on your massive vagina.

Tagged as: enema, five minutes of hate, Move, PS3, sony, wii 5 Comments

13Jul/100

Bioware Ain't No Kinect Whore

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I dare you to make me dance

While companies like EA are already having wet dreams about the pile of money Kinect and Playstation Move will bring them, Bioware is not impressed. It takes more than a colorful stick to make them change the way they make games, and that's a dim light of hope for the industry. Of course, they will try to use the technologies, but not by making casual crappy games. Instead, they're thinking about "creating a greater sense of immersion by using gestures in dialogs", as Greg Zeschuk said in an interview.

He also says "Weâ€™re not going to do a party game, weâ€™re not going to do Dance Dance Krogan for Mass Effect.â€ and â€œThe reality is itâ€™s going to have a really positive impact. Thereâ€™s that impediment of a controller but hardcore gamers are never going to give that up. It might be nice to see a hybrid of a controller used with additional gesture on the side for immersive elements."

I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to stand up and give this man a round of applause. It takes a lot of balls to resist the casual wave, but this guy right here has them, and they're rock solid.