5 Games That Failed(When They Shouldn’t Have)
Sometimes, video games fail. Bugs, awful gameplay, shitty story, bad controls and so on. It's a natural thing, not all video games get to be big and get people out on the street enduring rain just get a copy of it. Sometimes though, you'd expect a certain game to be good, for various reasons: a good prequel, some nice trailer you saw, or an awesome marketing campaign that got you all wet. But then you get your hands on it and you realize it sucks. Big time. How does that make you feel? Ashamed that you trusted the developers? A sucker for falling into the hype trap? Whatever it is you feel, we all went through it, especially in this last year. Here are five games that took us all by surprise with their outstanding shittyness and a sheer amount of disappointment.
5. Singularity
You remember this game right? It was supposed to be Raven Software's new big thing, after some other semi-failures like Wolfenstein and X-men Origins: Wolverine. They promised us a new brilliant FPS set in an intriguing alternative history flick, with mutants and nazis and whatever else they could find that sounded good. What we got was a warm stew, mixing ingredients from Bioshock, Call of Duty, Dead Space and adding a bit of time travel in the end, just for the fuck of it. The game was not all bad actually, and if you get pass the idiotic plot and all you might just have some fun. Might.
4. Splinter Cell Conviction
Ubisoft woke up one day, looked over their stealth franchise called Splinter Cell and thought: "Hey you know what's missing? Fucking gun fights and explosions!". This might sound a little subjective, but I'm a pretty big Splinter Cell fan. Chaos Theory made my non-existent labia shrivel, for it was almost perfect stealth-wise. I could complete the missions without killing anyone, or raise hell shooting everyone in a Rambo-like rampage. But I never did the second part, because if I wanted that, I wouldn't be playing Splinter Cell in the first place.
Ubi took Splinter Cell and shoved a big black cock up it's ass just to make it mainstream. Duck&Shoot playing style does not fit Sam Fisher. Sam hangs from the ceiling and snaps the bad guy's neck without a noise while making a badass one liner. (whispered one liner, to keep the "without a noise" idea rolling)
3. Lost Planet 2
This game is the living proof that frustration can make you throw things and kill small animals. Whether it's the insane difficulty level or gruesome amount of bugs and gameplay issues, this game is bound to make some of your neurons die of overcharging with stress and anger.
The truth is nobody really waited for this with their eyes bleeding, but after a pretty decent first title, we expected much more from Capcom. Oh wait, Capcom made Lost Planet 2? Forget it then.
2. Disciples 3
This game ain't bad. It's very artsy and good looking, and there's a lot of good ideas into this one. That is if you manage to play it. I had to overcome so many bugs and gameplay issues in this game that it made it impossible for me to finish it. The A.I. put salt on the wound and made me cry sometimes, because I felt like I was playing against a down-syndrome pacient.
1. Alpha Protocol
You have no idea what expectations I had from this game. A spy RPG with stealth features and developed by Obsidian? A wet dream coming true. But when I got to actually play it, my hopes when up through the roof at the character creation wizard, then came crashing down deep under the earth's crust at the first "quest". I don't even know why they called it an RPG, the only RPG thing in this game is the ability points and level up part.
Then there's the bugs. A lot of them. Also bad gameplay decisions that destroyed most of the game. It's as stealthy as Duke Nukem is hiding behind his shades. There was this hot chick though, if that counts for something. It doesn't? It doesn't.
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August 2nd, 2010 - 05:11
How can you call Conviction a failure? That game sold close to 2 million copies. Just because it didn’t fit into your vision of what Splinter Cell is doesn’t mean it’s a failure. And this is coming from a huge Splinter Cell fan. Sure, it was mainstream, but rest assured Ubisoft will reel it back in to stealth on the next go-round now that they have the mainstream audience on the hook. It may have been mainstreamed, but it wasn’t a failure. Just calling it like I see it.
August 2nd, 2010 - 05:16
Singularity didn’t fail. It’s story was good and the game very fun (The Single-Player that is). This list is spot on; excluding Singularity of course.
August 2nd, 2010 - 05:30
I dont understand all the hate on Alpha Protocol….
I played it through all the way and loved every minute of it
August 2nd, 2010 - 13:56
One game I’d like to add to this list is 2010′s Aliens vs. Predator. It looked quite nice, but it was mess at release, sadly.
August 2nd, 2010 - 17:03
this article might have been more effective without some of the obscene language just couldt really take this guy seriously especially after including splinter cell conviction
August 2nd, 2010 - 17:18
Because a big black cock up your ass is much worse than a white one, which I assume you prefer.
August 2nd, 2010 - 21:18
I will say nice list. Also from the tone of this list, I do not think sales=success, so those making that argument are missing the point. Now I love random obscenity as much as the next guy, but I would suggest not making the issue racial again. Otherwise someone is going to anal rape you with a cock, color is undetermined at this juncture. Just like how rape should be.
August 2nd, 2010 - 21:33
Lost Planet 2? More BS from someone who has no idea what they are saying. It’s not buggy, and was patched to make the easy levels playable by scrubs (like yourself), but you don’t bother to post anything but antiquated facts in your article as proof that it’s bad.
Sorry that it’s not a clone of modern warfare 2. It’s as good as Transformers War for cybertron (except without online games crashing/erroring out 60% of the time), which iI bet you think is agreat game because everyone else gave it good reviews. The two games are of equal quality (although only LP2 works online as designed), but everyone gave TF 7-9 while giving LP2 5-7. Ridiculous.
August 2nd, 2010 - 22:12
LP2 sucked, get over it
August 2nd, 2010 - 22:15
No nonsense funny reviews,if you don’t like the language son of jesus visit the christian gamer site where they burn all evil
August 2nd, 2010 - 22:31
i THINK THE BBC REFERENCE WAS MORE RELATING TO THE SIZE AS OPPOSED TO THE COLOR , PEOPLE TEND TO OVER REACT TO RACIAL ISSUES.
A MORE USEFUL TERM MIGHT JUST BE A HUGE COCK.
HAVEN’T PLAYED ANY OF THESE GAMES AND DON’T INTEND TO.
SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF WEINERS TO ME.
August 2nd, 2010 - 22:57
Fairly good but i would have included APB (a Grand Theft Auto-style “MMO” with crappy objectives) and excluded Splinter Cell. Hell yeah it wasnt Chaos Theory (my 2nd favorite Xbox game next to halo:CE) but it was still fun and if you really want it, you can get through a couple conviction levels without firing a shot. And i like the outdated Conviction pic of Hobo Sam.
August 7th, 2010 - 05:42
Splinter Cell conviction and Lost planet 2 simply failed because of the lack of passion in their game play as their previous games. I’ve finished both and I was disgusted with the game play and storyline. Sam Fisher was such an icon for me and UBI soft managed to ruin it all.
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November 18th, 2010 - 19:59
Found this on Google and I’m happy I did. Interesting article.